Now is not the time

I apologize for my sudden unexplained absence from blogging, I have just been unable to find the appropriate words for my current situation. My job is getting out of control and there is little I can do but clean up the messes as they appear, and boy are they appearing. On Wednesday I had to fire a long time employee for abuse and run around like a crazy person looking for two part time people to fill his shift. Luckily I found them in remarkable time and everything is good as far as staffing. Unfortunately the failout from the abuse allegation is taking up most of my time at work. I have had the pleasure of writing lots of new specific plans for our consumers and their behaviors as well as organizing training for my staff that has to be completed by next Friday. This is just the first of many more things I will get to do because we have only received our first write-up from the state and not the other agency that licenses us. That will be on my desk next Thursday so I’m sure that will provide me with lots of fun things to do. Then, this morning when it seemed like I might actually get to facebook all day, one of my poor staff was injured by one of the clients and I’ve been dealing with workman’s compensation crap all day. As you can see work sucks.

It would be okay if I had a stable family life because then I could seek refuge at home, but crapstick and I are in a nasty battle that started years ago. Crapstick does not believe in logic and our arguments leave me bewildered and with a headache (Heather will attest to his lack of logic). Well, I have simply had enough of everything that has to do with him. I love the person he once was, but I don’t think I even know who he is anymore. I don’t want to get a divorce, but I think it may be the only way out. It’s not that he beats me or anything crazy, it’s simply that we don’t have the same priorities and that my opinions mean nothing to him. I have begged him for forever to move out of this house, because I don’t like living with fat bitch two seconds away and I don’t like that this house was his dream with crazy psycho bitch ex-wife. He doesn’t care though, just like he also doesn’t care that I don’t want him to leave me daily with our children so he can go berate stepson at football practice for every little mistake. He doesn’t care that I hate every moment that I work and want to raise my children, because it doesn’t fit into his plan to get everything that he wants when he wants it. He doesn’t care when I cry, scream, throw things, etc. He just wants things his way and I can’t take his way anymore. I can’t take getting yelled at for disciplining stepson over his attitude. I can’t take hearing about how I don’t have to deal with his ex-wife or that his mom has her own house. I can’t take him leaving the kids with his mom when I’m at work so that he doesn’t miss one moment of practice. I can’t take him fucking up on his job (recently) and telling his boss “what are you going to do about it?” I cannot take the fact that he doesn’t think being a housewife is a job and keeps telling me that in two years when we sell the farm, I will be able to sit at home and do nothing. I can’t take that when banana wakes up at night, he tells me that I must not be producing enough milk for her. I CANNOT take one more MOMENT of his “I’m always right and moral” attitude. I just don’t know what to do. We’ve tried marriage counseling, but he only heard what I was doing wrong, so that was pointless. He won’t listen to anyone, so what the hell am I supposed to do? I am so sad, lonely, and devastated.