Frustrated

I am so sick of Sir and his puking. I know that a good mother should not say these things, but I am apparently not a good mother. I HATE when he vomits and it drives me crazy. I HATE that he won't eat and that nothing I do makes a damn bit of difference. I HATE that this is all I am obsessed with. I scour the internet for ways to make you kids eat, ways to calm yourself if your kids don't eat, ways to throw yourself out of a fucking window because all you do is think about how many calories each morsel of food is. I don't know what to do anymore and I'm sick of thinking about it, but am so obsessed that I can't stop. Everyone keeps telling me he won't starve himself to death, but indeed he will not eat for DAYS on end and then just drink water. He loses up to a pound when I allow him to choose when he eats and he would probably lose more but I freak out and start making him eat. FUCK THIS! Oh, and if crapstick tells me one more time that all kids have issues I'm going to kill him with my bare hands. I just don't know what to do and I'm sad about it all of the time. I really feel like I'm headed for a true clinical depression and there is nothing I can think of to fix this. I am at my wits end.